Dialling down the ego

It seems to me that one of the biggest challenges that we face in building successful teams and businesses is that thing called ego, and in particular the ego of leaders. And I don’t mean a lack of ego either.

Perhaps it would be best to begin with a definition of ego, although defining ego is something which can result in a longwinded explanation, but not necessarily providing any increase in understanding. So, I’ll attempt to make this description quite straightforward.

With clarity and brevity in mind, it is then perhaps best to consider this thing called ego in three different ways.

1: Freud’s version

Sigmund Freud suggested that the human psyche (personality) had three different elements; the Id, the Ego, and the Superego.

Freud maintained that the Id was was the impulsive and instinctive component of the psyche, e.g. aggression and libido, and that the Id requires immediate satisfaction. (Freud had obviously taken a stroll down Sauchiehall street on a Saturday night).

For a more detailed description of the Id, I would recommend the excellent 1956 documentary ‘Forbidden Planet’.

Secondly, Freud also suggested that the Ego performed the role of a mediator between the instinctive Id and the need to conform to some societal requirements. In essence, the Ego’s role is to try and satisfy the base demands of the pleasure seeking Id, whilst avoiding being jailed. (I’m going to resist the temptation of making a cheap joke about the leaders of some global financial institutions).

The third element was called by Freud, the Superego (no, not Jose Mourinho). (For information about the fourth element look up ‘Beryllium’, and for the Fifth Element, see the works of Luc Besson). Freud described the Superego as a component of the human psyche which consisted of conscience and the ideal self. If the Ego was overpowered by the Id, the Superego may make someone feel guilt or remorse, and if the Ego resisted the Id and did the ‘right’ thing, the Superego may reward the individual by making them feel good, happy, proud etc. The role of the Superego is to push the individual towards the ideal self, the moral high-ground.

That is obviously a very high level summary, however if you want more information about Freud, there are many books available, including Freud’s intriguing autobiography: ‘Me, my mother, and the King of Thebes’.

2: A more modern consideration of Ego

It has more recently been suggested that ego is our vision of who we are. It can be quite a complex construction of the mind. It is sometimes referred to as the ‘self consciousness system’. The ego tends to separate itself from everything else ‘out there’. It is in some ways akin to a person’s identity. This sense of separateness can lead some of us to begin to have a sense of superiority and entitlement.

3: Egomania

In today’s society the term egomaniac is occasionally used interchangeably with the phrase ‘having a huge ego’, and in some ways that is quite an accurate comparison.

Egomania is often used to describe an individual who has an obsessive preoccupation with self, and who has a sense of superiority and/or greatness, but who also often feels that others do not appreciate their greatness enough. (I’m going to resist the temptation of making another cheap joke, this time about certain politicians).
It has been suggested that a more extreme version of Egomania could fall into the category of something called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This is a personality disorder where individuals have an inflated sense of their own importance and have a lack of empathy for others.

Now, where might any of the above be relevant in business? Well, I believe that each of these ideas about ego are worth considering. It is important to be aware, and reflect, and if appropriate take action, and each of these ideas can help us with that. For example, if we look at Freud’s version of Ego and Superego, it would seem that the ideal self idea may allow us some traction. More of that later.

The more modern consideration of ego, where it could be thought of as being akin to identity, is often a good place to begin. If the ego drives us towards a sense of separateness from others, that can lead to a feeling of disconnection. That disconnection can be felt as ‘pain’ which we try and satisfy (feeding the ego) with external ‘trinkets’. And it can never be satisfied for long. A healthier approach for us, and ultimately for others if we are the leader, is to practise what I call the ‘dialling down the ego’ approach.

Spending years or decades meditating whilst dangling from a goats leg half way up a mountain may well be an ideal way to help us diminish or get rid of our ego, but most of us haven’t the time to do that, or indeed the desire to earn the soubriquet ‘dances with goats’. (It could be worse).

Another way forward, and one which is more goat friendly, would be to adopt the aforementioned ‘dialling down the ego’ strategy. It is unlikely that we can get rid of our egos entirely, but by becoming more conscious of that part of our make up, we can perhaps seek to diminish it, at least from time to time. I would suggest that one way to do that is to reverse the sense of separateness and isolation that the ego can invoke, and think about connection. Think about those people that you interact with. Think about them as people. Think about their hopes, aims, aspirations, dreams. Think about their families. Think about them as being very similar to you. Most people want pretty much the same things. The detail may be different, but the key drivers are the same. Think about how you are there to support them, how your role is to help deliver the environment that will most likely help them to succeed and be happy. And recognise that other people have other strengths and skills. Whilst your particular strengths and skills may have given you a position and recompense within the structure that others currently don’t have, everyone is unique. You are unique, but so are they. Your position may mean that you get to wax lyrical about the strategy and the horizon, but you aren’t going anywhere without the help of the people in the engine room. Of course, this idea of ‘we’re all in it together’ has been aired many times over the years. And yet, so many leaders simply pay lip service to it. However, there is something very important to consider here. People aren’t stupid. Those types of leaders aren’t fooling anyone.

It is important for the leader to consider the business from a humanistic perspective, and to be genuinely empathic. People pick up on it. Always remember, the person that you might have walked past every day without even acknowledging them, who is perhaps cutting the grass to keep the place looking respectable, is just as important as you.

Having said that, if you don’t actually have any grass, then someone may well have been making a right mess of your carpets.

Think about interdependence, and a sense of doing the right thing whilst interacting and making decisions.

To help us do that, we can borrow the idea of the Ideal Self. When considering how best to act in a more connected and considered fashion, ask yourself ‘what would my ideal self do in this situation?’.

What then about the extremely challenging situation where the team and/or business is headed up by the Egomaniac? (This is where I am guessing many an organisation has fallen off the edge of the cliff).

How should we deal with the Egomanical leader?
Answer: we shouldn’t.

These people should never ever, ever, be allowed anywhere near the helm. And if they are there, we should all simply walk away. Find a better leader. Find a different organisation if at all possible. And if you can’t walk away, challenge them. And get others to challenge them too. Might that mean that some people lose their jobs? I wished that there was a better answer than this, but sadly in certain circumstances it might. However, how much harm do you do yourself if you have to live with constant fear and anxiety because of some weak minded bully?

Also, more and more people are finding certain leadership behaviours totally intolerable, and so it is highly likely that this tide will turn, and indeed is turning. If we can develop better leaders, we can create organisations which people are keen to join. The sea change will then result in the best and most creative people gravitating towards the better leaders, and these are likely to be the organisations that succeed. This in turn may well highlight that the behaviours of the egomaniacal leader are so glaringly wrong and abhorrent and ultimately damaging to the business, that they are asked to go on ‘gardening leave’. Ironically perhaps giving them time to reflect on how differently things may have turned out if they had just been a bit nicer to others around them, including the gardener.

We must all agree that the toxic egomaniacal approach to leadership is no longer acceptable, no matter how good the P&L sheet is looking.

Best wishes
Mike

 

I’d like you to consider the following ideas which I have about leadership.

The leader is there to serve.
The leader has a major influence on the ‘emotional tone’ of a business and/or team.
The leader should consider each employee as a person, not a number.

The leader should strive to help others to be as good as they can be.
The leader should do the right thing.
The leader should understand that leadership is a privilege.
The leader must attend to their ego, and ensure that it is appropriately ‘dialled down’.

The leader must make sure that ethical behaviours are front and centre, and will go beyond these if the ethical behaviours fall short of the moral requirements of any given situation.
The leader is aligned to company values, but will move away from them if there is a clash between morality and some corporate value.

The leader will flex their approach, even if they feel vulnerable doing so.
The leader will allow others to lead when and where appropriate.

The leader must be emotionally intelligent.

If you agree with most or all of these statements, then it is highly likely that you will understand what I mean when I talk about ‘the gap’. This is the gap between what I consider to be a ‘common sense’ approach to leadership and how some leaders and businesses actually behave.

Sometimes the gap seems so huge that we can feel as if we are lone voices shouting about the injustice of it all in the wilderness, or we can even begin to doubt our sanity. However, you are not mad, you are simply observing behaviours that are often caused by (amongst other things) a combination of some or all of the following: habits, corruption, fear, delusion, greed, and stupidity.

We can make a difference. We can’t change everything, but we can change those elements in our lives and businesses that we are responsible for… and that would include ourselves.

Please try the following exercise. Have a really good think about the following areas in your life, and in particular as a leader (irrespective of role or company or current situation – you are still leading something!).

Grab a pen or pencil and some paper, and carefully consider each of the following questions before writing down your thoughts:

What do you actually value? What is truly important to you?

What drives you? What gets you out of bed in the morning?

What do you want your reputation to be? How do you want to be seen by others?

What would you say were your key strengths? What strengths are you not using?

What behaviours are you displaying which may not be truly aligned with your values, drivers and desired reputation?

Be totally honest with yourself.

Any misalignment may mean that you are simply not being the change that you need to be to effect the changes around you that you want to see.

To use a simple example, if you value honesty, and creating an honest culture is one of your drivers, and you want to be viewed as an honest leader, but you know that your behaviours have been less than straightforward recently, then this lack of ‘congruence’ may well be massively limiting your progress and effectiveness. I would urge you to think about any possible misalignment, because by adjusting that, you are strengthening yourself and can therefore be much more effective in helping to close ‘the gap’.

And often, when we think about the strengths that we have that we aren’t using, and then access them more readily and regularly, we can really begin to fly.

Please look at those leadership ideas again and realise that they speak to you because they are you. We need to begin to make a bigger difference today.

Best wishes
Mike