Hello

 

Who was the best boss you ever worked for? Perhaps there was more than one. Please have a think about the qualities that that boss, or those bosses possessed that made them so good.

Whatever you come up with, please write those qualities down. If you can, please take the time to do that now.

 

Perhaps you wrote down things like:

 

Decisive

Smart

Fair

Honest

Reliable

Fun

Inspirational

Motivating

Motivated

Hard-working

As you look at the words that you have written, study them carefully. Ask yourself this question, ‘Why do these qualities appeal to me?’

One likely answer to that question is that you value those qualities. However, it goes a little bit deeper than that, doesn’t it? I’ll wager that the qualities that your boss displayed were apparent in their behaviours, and that how they behaved was what you found appealing.

We could go even deeper and look at values, but let’s just keep this simple for today, and action orientated.

We can keep things action orientated by asking you the following simple question. ‘Are you treating others the way you like to be treated?’

If you value those qualities and behaviours in your boss, it’s highly likely that this is what you respond to, it’s how you like to be treated. It’s also highly likely that you believe that these qualities and behaviours are important in guiding how you interact with others. They may well form part of the ‘ideal you’. In other words in most situations you would ideally like to behave in ways which align with these qualities.

However, is that the case? Are you living up to those ‘ideal’ qualities and behaviours. This of course need not necessarily be every day in every situation, but in general. Think of it as a trend, a tendency, to behave in a certain way more often than not.

If you are behaving in that ideal way, great. However, how can you be sure? Are your actions being received in the way that you intended?

 

You may be asking yourself, ‘but how would I know?’. And that’s a good question. One way to answer that question is of course the ubiquitous and sometimes much maligned, and sometimes mismanaged 360 degree approach. Presuming however that this particular tool of blessing/curse/terror/enlightenment is not readily available to you and/or you are swimming in waters so political that it would make the White House look like Sesame Street………wait………then I would suggest using what I call the ‘critical friend’.

This is not someone who is critical of you, but someone who is critical to your success. This is the type of friend (preferably friends) whose agenda is simply to help you. You trust their judgement, they have no other agenda other than being there for you when you need them. This does not mean that they will always agree with you, quite the reverse. Their opinion is however worth it’s weight in gold. Listen very carefully to what they say, with your shields down!

It’s worth adding here that it is much better to have more than one critical friend. My preference is three. This helps to avoid getting into an ‘echo chamber’ situation, or the rather dangerous Folie à deux. That’s another reason it’s good to have different opinions.

What about the situation where you do not have access to a ‘critical friend’ in work? In that case, you may need to speak to people outside of work, and sometimes that’s useful anyway. It’s also useful to generate those types of relationships in work, it helps you to get a nuanced and contextualised opinion. Hence it’s important to connect, converse, and form mutually respectful relationships at different levels in your organisation. Otherwise we run the risk of becoming isolated, and that’s not good on several levels.

(I discuss the idea of the Isolationist Leader in a bit more detail in this month’s podcast. The link is attached below)

 

So, please have a think, have a ponder. Speak to some people, find those critical friends, listen to what they say, and adjust if required. Honesty is the key word here. Honesty from others, honesty with self.

As the exceptional poet Rabbie Burns is quoted as saying,

‘O wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us’

Just in case you aren’t familiar with all the words (but it’s time you were) here is a slightly different ‘translated’ version.

 

‘Oh, would some Power give us the gift
To see ourselves as others see us’.

 

The gift to see ourselves as others see us. A powerful sentiment indeed.

In fact I was inspired to write this newsletter whilst thinking about Rabbie Burns the other day. I was in a café and on the menu was ‘Rabbie’s bacon sandwich’. However at first glance I read it as ‘Rabies bacon sandwich’. True story, not fake news! I decided to have neither. There’s no point in making a pig of yourself.

 

Best wishes
Mike

 

A link to this month’s podcast is here: